I offer psychotherapy for anxiety, grief, trauma survivors, conscious partnerships, mindful parenting, and the Deaf, Hard of Hearing, DeafBlind, and CODA communities.
THERAPY FOR ANXIETY
Mind racing over a to-do list
Feeling guilty for making a mistake
Worrying about what others are thinking of us
Constantly second guessing our decisions
Perseverating on something that has not happened yet
Getting stuck and not being able to take action
Feeling fearful for our children and their future
Wondering if we are good enough, as parents, partners, professionals, and community members
Constantly seeking security about our health and wellbeing
Concerns about how to make the most of this life, feeling like we are wasting time if we aren’t fulfilling our “purpose”
Fear of growing old, getting sick and dying
Anxiety can show up in many ways. Maybe one or more of these things sound familiar to you right now:
These worries are so uncomfortable that we often endlessly try to seek comfort and distraction in many ways:
Feeling restless, antsy and unable to sit still, we busy ourselves with “lists”
Addictively scroll social media and neglect self-care
Indulging heedlessly in substances: overeating, drinking, smoking, recreational drugs
Shopping and participating in consumerism to feel better about ourselves by adding to our sense of who we think we should be (beauty, knowledge, fashion, etc.)
Compulsively creating posts on social media for self-affirmation and acceptance
Taking on too many projects in order to feel special and significant
When anxiety is worked with skillfully, we learn how to lean into this feeling, to listen to what this experience is showing us about ourselves.
We will work with the life you have now, identifying the ways in which your anxiety shows up and you will be encouraged to develop self-awareness. We will weave in meditative practices, breathwork and insight teachings from the wisdom of Contemplative Science.
We learn to slow down, to be with uncomfortable sensations and emotions, tend to the body, and investigate the origin of the anxious thought.
When we can do this, we feel lighter. We feel calmer and still inside. Better able to be present and let go of past and future thinking, we learn to breathe and stay. We stop busying ourselves. We respond and choose thoughtfully, rather than compulsively. Our lives take on a more playful quality. The moment-to-moment resolution of anxiety gives birth to inner freedom.
THERAPY FOR TRAUMA
As humans, very few of us escape the difficulties of being human. Because we were raised by humans who have their own unresolved pain and fear, trauma is passed on intergenerationally.
We now acknowledge that there are both “big T” and “little t” traumas for most everyone. “Big T” trauma refers to the terribly scary, violating, violent, silent, and deeply wounding events in our lives, which may occur once or many times. It includes physical, sexual, verbal, emotional and mental abuse. It also includes neglect, unmet physical and emotional needs, or lack of access to appropriate resources.
“Little t” trauma refers to the events which go invalidated or normalized as “part of life” but for many of us, created feelings of great fear or shame, inescapability and overwhelm.
When we experience trauma in our lives, our body holds onto the memory and the leftover energy from that experience becomes contracted and lodged in the body.
It can be called “undigested” energy and in a way, we become constipated with this fear-based energy. The mind stores the memory of the event in the unconscious (where it can be kept safe). Because the body remembers, the nervous system remains dysregulated. Self-protection is heightened, long after the threat is over.
Then, when we experience something that “seems” threatening, our bodies respond by preparing for the worst. Our hearts race, our palms get sweaty, we experience light-headedness, we may get fuzzy, or traffic jammed in our mind. Our legs feel restless (as if we want to flee), or we may become immobile, freezing to survive the threatening encounter. Our unconscious mind generates impulses to keep us safe, but often these impulses in the form of “protectors” make life more challenging and isolating.
The trauma cycle feels like it has no end at times. Until we decide to bring these events and our feelings about them into the light of awareness. Then healing is possible.
Healing from trauma begins with the ability to share the story of your life, safely, with compassion and free from fear of judgment. Being seen and heard is so essential to the healing process.
From here we cultivate mindfulness to notice the body and how it holds pain. We then look at the “family of parts” living inside us (IFS) and learn to befriend protectors, then rescue the exiled, wounded and child-like parts of ourselves. We establish Self-leadership (the wise and calm You) and learn how to care for all parts, where co-existing peacefully is possible.
This is a process and takes time – but healing is possible.
THERAPY FOR GRIEF
We grieve for those who have died
We grieve for those we have loved and lost
We grieve for those we have disliked or struggled with (or even hated) and lost.
We grieve change and the loss of our health
We grieve the loss of our childhoods
We grieve for things not given and for things taken away
We grieve our children leaving home
We grieve the children we could not have
We grieve conflicted relationships in which barriers exist
We grieve after divorce
We grieve personal rights denied or taken away
We grieve collectively for human loss
We grieve the declining health of the planet
We grieve world suffering
Grief is a natural part of the human condition. We grieve for countless reasons:
In our work together, we will try to recognize the impermanence of things. Just as loss shows us, nothing lasts forever, and grief is no exception. We can learn to sit with difficult feelings, and watch the pain soften.
We create rituals and traditions to honor what has been lost.
We find ways to celebrate and move forward with the inspiration of those who are still with us.
We remember that relationships do not die, cherished connections can extend beyond space and time.
Then gradually, we find ourselves feeling lighter, smiling again, putting down guilt, remembering to enjoy life and others, honoring the memory rather than being focused on the absence. Grief, like all things, will pass and shift in the light of care, patience and acceptance.
THERAPY FOR COMMITTED COUPLES
Couples come to me for various reasons.
Common concerns and relationship injuries are:
Breakdown in communication
Inability / lack of motivation to prioritize time together
Overwhelmed with raising a family
Recent loss
Infidelity (emotional or physical)
Interest in an open relationship
One partners struggle with anxiety/depression and its impact on the other
Dissatisfying sex life
Personal growth of one partner, now doubting fit of the relationship
Resentment over festering wounds
Tension in the “in-law” relationship
Differences in parenting styles creating pressure in relationship
Need to reassess values within the relationship
Want to learn how to disagree constructively and make repairs
When it comes to couples' work, I have no standard by which you are being measured. Aside from safety, relationships can take many different forms and have many different arrangements, and all of these relationship styles and structures are welcomed here.
My approach to couples work is Emotionally Focused. We will examine how your earliest attachment continues to play out in your intimate relationships. This reveals the choreography you have created together. Our task is to establish secure attachment with your partner, both in the session and at home so that you can create new steps in an emotionally connected and shared life.
My goal is to help both of you identify your needs and wants, to help you share this with each other with honesty and kindness, and to see where compromise or generosity is possible. Where compromise is not possible, the task is to cultivate acceptance of one’s partner, or find the courage to consider change. There are some fundamental ways of engaging that, if practiced, typically lead to more fulfilling and peaceful relationships. You will learn these principles and be encouraged to practice them at home. It is also important to remember that we will inevitably hurt one another. The task is not only to infuse mindfulness and reduce injury but also to know how to make repairs. This offers life-giving energy to the relationship while building accountability, trustworthiness and resiliency within our relationships.
THERAPY FOR PARENTS AND ADULT CHILDREN
Adult child’s indecision regarding college or other path (post High School)
Conflict in the relationship (disrespect, frequent arguing, spiraling)
Parents anxiety about adult child’s safety
Difficulty shifting role from parent to “ally”
Death of a family member
Ineffective communication
Feeling cut-off in the relationship
Boundaries needed in the relationship
Desire for greater connection
Healing needed from past wounding
Parents and adult children have their own unique worries and struggles, often including:
We can offer great care and freedom at the same time. We can make repairs and begin again.
To the parents reading this who have regrets and fears, I encourage you to consider the resilience of the human heart. We are hard wired to learn, forgive, adapt and restore connection. Growth and healing are always possible in family life. It is never too late.
THERAPY FOR DEAF, HARD OF HEARING, DEAFBLIND, AND CODA COMMUNITIES
I want to affirm for you something that you already know, but many hearing people do not realize. Being Deaf/HOH/DB within a hearing world is often a trauma itself. The life of Deaf/HOH/DB children includes many difficulties (and is not limited to):
Unmet needs in childhood
Profound loneliness
Left out of family conversations and special news/events
Lack of communication with hearing siblings
Attachment difficulties with caregivers
Language delays, which may interfere with learning and development
Ongoing conflict over mainstream education vs. Deaf education/ASL
Trauma of being separated from family at a young age to attend residential schools in remote locations
Chronic abuse and neglect that targets deaf children
Deep pain from parents who did not provide emotional connection, safety, or protection
Grief over lost childhoods
You deserve to heal the past, to feel safe in your body, to be empowered to shape your life in a way that feels meaningful to you.
Together we will explore the past, practice coping and calming skills, learn emotionally intelligent communication, and tend to the wounded parts of yourself so you can feel free in your daily life.
The Deaf Community is small, and privacy is a common concern. Let me reassure you that our time together is always confidential and occurs within a safe and non-judgmental space.